Those Words from My Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a break - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."