That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
As we reflect on the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and consumption? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
Too Much
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
